Not a fan

I’m not even a Messi fan.

Alexi Lalas
December 13, 2022

I don’t know. The best ball-dribbling skills in history, heaps of goals, and passes that make a mockery of the laws of physics? That’s not for me. That’s not the kind of soccer I want to see.

I gather that a lot of people enjoy pizza. That’s fine for them. Me? I could take it or leave it. A hot slice of gooey cheese, vine-ripened tomato sauce, a chewy crust with just a little crispness around the edges… Never understood the appeal. I’ll pass.

Just finished watching It’s a Wonderful Life. I had a hard time believing that an angel could come to Earth and show a troubled man what life had been like if he’d never been born. Not very realistic. I couldn’t really get past that.

We went to Florida and my son insisted that we ride this new roller coaster called the Velocicoaster. It has two launches, numerous inversions, and a death-defying corkscrew right above the surface of the lagoon. The line was a little long, but was it worth it? Not really. I don’t see how this one was any better than thousands of other slower, less interesting coasters.

I’ll never forget when I was at Woodstock — the original Woodstock, mind you — and Hendrix was up on stage ripping through “The Star-Spangled Banner.” At the height of the Vietnam War, Jimi’s rendition was defiant but also, in its way, patriotic. All around me people were enthralled, practically weeping. I found it a little pedestrian.

According to Herodotus, it took 400,000 men 20 years to build the Great Pyramid of Giza. It has stood for well over 4,000 years, weathering the desert sun, civil unrest, and colonial looting. It inspires people’s imaginations and a sense of wonder, and to this day its mysteries have not all been revealed. I’m thinking, am I the only person who’s noticed that it’s just a big triangle?

That’s one small step for man, one — well, just one small step for a man. I’m looking around the lunar surface and I’m not seeing anything very interesting. Just a bunch of rocks and dust, and beyond it the infinite, unknowable reaches of deep space blooming with the colors of distant galaxies. Not a fan.