Don Lope de Aguirre's job update

I’m happy to share that I’ve been promoted to God Emperor of The New World!

No doubt it’s been a rough few months for our expedition. We expanded into the Amazon a little too aggressively at first. Like a lot of colonizing powers, we didn’t foresee the downturn in edible foodstuffs, nor the unexpected rise of tropical pathogens. As the expedition leader, I take full responsibility for that.

Leadership means making hard choices. And while it wasn’t easy to part ways with so many talented colleagues, I believe that streamlining our forces and transitioning much of the work to wild monkeys will result in more sustainable, long-term exploration of this resource-rich region. As for those former colleagues, join me in wishing them the best in their new journeys. I’m confident they will soon find new ways to contribute, be it to schools of piranha or tribes of cannibals.

We look now to the future. Believe me when I say I have never been more optimistic about the future of Spanish conquest on this continent. With drive, determination, focus, and, of course, all of these wild monkeys, we cannot fail.

Onward!