The Jeb Bush quote that has perplexed and haunted me for a decade

“My dad is the greatest man I’ve ever known, and if you don’t think so we can step outside.” -Jeb Bush

Jeb!’s 2016 presidential campaign didn’t exactly set the world on fire. He once posted an image of a handgun with his name engraved on it and captioned it “America” — which, while true, wasn’t terribly inspiring. He also said he “likes keeping our country safe” and went into great detail about ear buds. Most popularly, Jeb!’s lasting legacy was getting dubbed “a low-energy guy” by the eventual winner — although “please clap” was a close second.

There’s something else that has stuck with me all this time. It’s this shirt. It’s like a canker sore that I cant stop tonguing. This shirt with the above-mentioned quote from Jeb!, which he may or may not have actually said aloud, about his relationship with his father, the late George H.W. Bush.

As with America gun and liking keeping our country safe, there’s a completely whiffed attempt to sound tough. But that’s not the main problem. The main problem is that the quote doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

Your dad is the greatest man you’ve ever met? Fine. Matter of opinion. And if I don’t think… what? That he’s the greatest man you’ve ever met? Why would I have an opinion on that? “Sorry Jeb, the greatest man you’ve ever met was Kansas City Royals legend George Brett, and I am willing to throw down about this.”

Or are you demanding that I acknowledge your dad as the greatest man I’ve ever met? I haven’t even met the guy! I’ll tell you what, though, he’s got a pretty tall hill to climb if he wants to supplant Andrew W.K. as the greatest man I’ve ever met. Honestly, I probably would be willing to fight about that.

In the scheme of things this is small potatoes. But it’s definitely the worst outcome from the 2016 election, and I’m glad I was finally able to get it off my chest.