Transcript of Baron Rothschild's keynote speech from Bilderberg '22

(Applause)

Thank you. Thank you. You’re too kind. No — thank you. Thank you all. Please be seated.

It is with tremendous excitement and no small amount of pride that I welcome you all to the Bilderberg Group’s 2022 summit. I’m thrilled to be with so many of you in person again, and without having to wear those annoying masks. Of course, since everyone in this room got the real vaccine well before we even rolled out COVID-19, it’s not like any of us were ever in any danger. But it’s important to keep up appearances.

By the way, how was the matzo this year? Good? Of course it was.

The past year has seen us make great strides in establishing a new world order. I know it seems like I’ve been saying this forever, but I think we’re really on the cusp of something here. The next year or so is critical for us to topple every existing state and unify the entire world under the banner of our one-world government. But before we get to that, let’s just recap some of our accomplishments in the past 12 months.

The “cancel culture” project has really taken root. People are getting canceled left and right! Just look at all the standup comedians whose transphobic jokes have seen them suffer dire personal and professional consequences, for example having to wait a little bit before getting another Netflix special. By the way, if you haven’t seen Ricky Gervais’s latest, “Trigger Warning: The Snowflake Thought Criminal,” it’s hilarious. Just another successful canceling by our vast criminal conspiracy.

We’ve also confused many elderly white men who post on Facebook about what pronouns they are supposed to use. Boy, are they mad about pronouns! With each red-faced, creatively capitalized post, their grip on power and liberty slips inexorably away. Let’s keep up the pressure here. We’ve always said that the path to dictatorship starts by annoying incurious people, and those efforts are bearing fruit.

As we look ahead, there is one major problem preventing us from achieving our very real goal of world domination. That’s right: freedom-loving Americans and their damn firearms. As you know, despite our nearly infinite wealth, Bond villain-level treachery, and full control of the levers of culture and finance, these few holdouts in the USA are single-handedly preventing us from enslaving the entire human race. I say to you again, fellow evildoers: we will never solidify our grip on power until we take their guns!

To that end, I have a proposal for the upcoming year. You’ve heard of a “false flag operation?” It’s when a government or other entity impersonates an opposing faction in order to drum up popular support for their preferred policy. Our plan: a false flag operation aimed at engendering a groundswell of public pressure for gun control laws.

It can’t fail! All we have to do is give a lone crackpot an AR-15, set him loose on an undefended public place to kill a dozen people or so, and then watch the masses rise up and demand change.

I know what you’re saying: it didn’t work when we tried it at Columbine. Or Virginia Tech. Or Aurora. Or Sandy Hook. Or Fort Hood. Or Isla Vista. Or Charleston. Or San Bernardino. Or Pulse.

(Rothschild takes a sip of water.)

Or Las Vegas. Or Parkland. Or Santa Fe. Or Pittsburgh. Or El Paso. Or New York City. Or Buffalo. Or hundreds of others that, ok, didn’t pan out quite like we hoped. But I’ve got a really good feeling about this next one.

Picture it. One of our brainwashed minions attacks an elementary school and wipes out a classroom full of first-graders. Americans will be heartsick. They’ll be outraged. They’ll rise up in one voice and demand action. Their elected leaders will move swiftly to enact strict gun legislation, and the President will proudly sign it into law. A moment of unity and purpose for the American people such as they haven’t known in generations — and then, we strike!

Once all of the guns have been confiscated, our stormtroopers move in. With no one to resist them, they’ll establish martial law without a shot fired. The American people will be our slaves! But that won’t be the worst part. No, those foolish Americans will be met with the worst fate of all. They won’t be able to go anywhere without looking over their shoulders for our troops. They’ll never know when we might strike.

Imagine living that way! Imagine knowing that at any moment a heavily armed man could open fire on you just because he feels like it! This is your future, America. Just as soon as we pass these gun control laws.

Thanks for coming out this year, everybody. Don’t forget to take your gift bags. There’s some great swag in there.